I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to route all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to it's lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish it's meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it...
- from Walden, by Henry David Thoreau
These words by Thoreau have meant a lot to me throughout my life. I discovered them when I was far too young to really get the complete meaning from them. And that is ok. As with all things, our understanding of certain concepts is never quite complete. With new experience - our understanding grows.
I believe I was 9. Now I am 24. That has given me some time to think about the words, and what they mean. They have been on my mind again lately - for several different reasons. ... There are many emotions and thoughts that I can "deal with" myself. As if I were a mobster taking care of a problem with an associate. There are some emotional states where a friend - someone with a listening ear, a soft shoulder, a warm embrace; or conversely, someone who will slap me when I say stupid things and yank my head out of the clouds and back to reality - can really help. But sometimes, just every now and again in life, where there is no shortcut. Where you can't just get fixed up. Sometimes, in life, you reach an emotional state, whether easy or hard, that you simply need to accept and pass through. Undergoing the full force of the assault. And simply finding grattitude for the lessons you learn during those times. Because, if you can pass through it with a peaceable spirit, you will learn. You will not emerge the same. You will be a little better. A little more refined. A little more able to appreciate the beauty of life. A little more compassionate. A little more patient. A little more joyfull. And so it is that I realize I am in one of those states right now, with moving. And so I shall pass through it, and be better for it
The second large reason why these words have been on my mind roll down a similar track as the last reason. With everything that has happened, reading these words helps ground me in who I am and look forward. It is my quest in life to "suck the marrow" from life. "To live deep". To "cut a broad swath and shave close". And so I will do those things in this aspect of life as well. Who knows what I might find as I seek out someone who's soul harmonizes with mine. Perhaps she won't be interested, but I can still try to make her laugh once or twice and see. It is better to risk, and try, and find something amazing - then to never try so that you don't get hurt.
Life is good. I am worried about getting a job. But I have faith that I will. I am making sure to take the opportunity to notice the detail and the immensity of what I find around me. And there is much that is beautiful to be thankful for.
My family went with me to the beach before they left, and I'm very grateful they did. It is a perfect memory. Sighting jellyfish. Feeling the warm water. Walking and talking with those that I love. Sitting, in water to my chest, with my brother and father, as the waves and swells broke over our faces and made us laugh as grandpa ocean tried to tip us over. Noting the ships out on the blue-gray deep. I can't wait to go back again.
Move and Move Again,
Sean
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Aaaarg! And WOOT! (I just became a craigslist hater and google lover)
Well... Today has been the day of sheer frustration. As much as I love craigslist, I hate craigslist... So, after hours of searching we narrowed down several places too look at to live. Started talking to them, and it seems that people think they can put anything on craigslist, and then change it as soon as you talk to them. the 500 dollar apartment becomes 750 dollars. The 150 dollar deposit becomes a 700 dollar deposit. The "No credit check, No deposit, Move in today" becomes: a credit check on both parties, 200 dollar deposit, and you can't move in yet. The 550 dollar apartment was non-existent, but hey, she can send you a list of more expensive apartments. And the "We'll clean it for you by tomorrow" became: we'll clean one bedroom for you to move into and you can clean the rest...
Needless to say, I got tired of Craigslist.
We were about to settle, but then discovered that google maps has a real estate search section that works miracles. We don't have a place yet. But we have hope, and a lot of places to look at tomorrow. Thank heavens! Keep us in your thoughts/prayers/chants/crossed fingers/pagan incantations/candle lighting ceremonies/positive thoughts in between DYI episodes/or whatever it is you happen to do.
On a separate note, a GPS system can be a lifesaver. However, it can also cause many much problems. While it's great in some situations, it can also plan crazy routes to things, take time to adjust, etc. The biggest problem they create, however, is this crazy reliance on what they are telling you to do. I.E. "Oh no, I passed up my turn! I don't know what to do! I can't turn at the next turn to fix it because it didn't tell me to... The guy behind me is mad because I just slowed down to 20 MPH in a 50 MOH zone. It's recalculating! What do I do while I wait?!?!?" If this happens to you, might I suggest reverting, in those moments, to using your normal sense of direction and figuring it out the old fashioned way. Let the GPS reconfigure as it will. Take a breath. Don't worry. You'll get there. And guess what... You'll get to go on a little adventure on your way. WOOT.
So... My mood at the moment: Tired. Frustrated that today was so stupid and that so many people think they can slide one in on you. And I feel like today was slightly wasted. HOWEVER I am grateful that we finally discovered some hopeful things. I am relieved that we found them - though I'm still anxious and worried because we don't have a place yet. I am very grateful that my parents are willing to run around with us and help us figure life out, pay for things, and support us so much. And I think I have a pretty awesome roomate. Go4 is relax, chill, hard worker, and he makes me laugh. Not much to complain about. Just need to find that apartment.
Speaking of Go4... We went on a walk tonight with my brother once we got back to the hotel. It was so nice to be in a city again. To smell life in the air, to see vibrancy, to notice people who took some time to get themselves dressed nicely in the mornings, to hear people actually talking - something you don't hear that much in F-town... And many other things. The people here are awesome so far (except the ones who like the bait and switch approach to housing). You always have your bad nuts, but there are a lot of pretty great people who are friendly/nice, etc. I love architecture. For those of you who don't know already, I can find places with great architecture and sit in awe for hours on end, and keep coming back. It has been great to be somewhere that that side of myself can start to come out again. I'm sure I'll post more on this later. Let's just say that tonight's walk was rejuvenating and I'm ready to start again tomorrow.
Life is what it is. Goodnight. I'm crashing. We'll see what tomorrow brings... With all my worrying, I still have a feeling that it'll be good.
Move,
Sean
Needless to say, I got tired of Craigslist.
We were about to settle, but then discovered that google maps has a real estate search section that works miracles. We don't have a place yet. But we have hope, and a lot of places to look at tomorrow. Thank heavens! Keep us in your thoughts/prayers/chants/crossed fingers/pagan incantations/candle lighting ceremonies/positive thoughts in between DYI episodes/or whatever it is you happen to do.
On a separate note, a GPS system can be a lifesaver. However, it can also cause many much problems. While it's great in some situations, it can also plan crazy routes to things, take time to adjust, etc. The biggest problem they create, however, is this crazy reliance on what they are telling you to do. I.E. "Oh no, I passed up my turn! I don't know what to do! I can't turn at the next turn to fix it because it didn't tell me to... The guy behind me is mad because I just slowed down to 20 MPH in a 50 MOH zone. It's recalculating! What do I do while I wait?!?!?" If this happens to you, might I suggest reverting, in those moments, to using your normal sense of direction and figuring it out the old fashioned way. Let the GPS reconfigure as it will. Take a breath. Don't worry. You'll get there. And guess what... You'll get to go on a little adventure on your way. WOOT.
So... My mood at the moment: Tired. Frustrated that today was so stupid and that so many people think they can slide one in on you. And I feel like today was slightly wasted. HOWEVER I am grateful that we finally discovered some hopeful things. I am relieved that we found them - though I'm still anxious and worried because we don't have a place yet. I am very grateful that my parents are willing to run around with us and help us figure life out, pay for things, and support us so much. And I think I have a pretty awesome roomate. Go4 is relax, chill, hard worker, and he makes me laugh. Not much to complain about. Just need to find that apartment.
Speaking of Go4... We went on a walk tonight with my brother once we got back to the hotel. It was so nice to be in a city again. To smell life in the air, to see vibrancy, to notice people who took some time to get themselves dressed nicely in the mornings, to hear people actually talking - something you don't hear that much in F-town... And many other things. The people here are awesome so far (except the ones who like the bait and switch approach to housing). You always have your bad nuts, but there are a lot of pretty great people who are friendly/nice, etc. I love architecture. For those of you who don't know already, I can find places with great architecture and sit in awe for hours on end, and keep coming back. It has been great to be somewhere that that side of myself can start to come out again. I'm sure I'll post more on this later. Let's just say that tonight's walk was rejuvenating and I'm ready to start again tomorrow.
Life is what it is. Goodnight. I'm crashing. We'll see what tomorrow brings... With all my worrying, I still have a feeling that it'll be good.
Move,
Sean
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hello World
Back when I was learning HTML, I remember that the first thing I was supposed to make was a simple page that said "Hello World." Hence the title of todays blog. Not that I'm feeling nostalgic at all...
It only took two days to make it here... the great moments included: Helping my dad fix the tarp, for the 4th time, in the rain and mud. Discovering that my mom is blind while driving. Having the GPS take a route that added an hour instead of the 5 minute route. Having the radiator explode when we stopped to get gas. And looking at Sam Houston's butt (giant statue. It was my sisters idea...)
So, It's a new world. At least for me. I'm sitting here, in our hotel, in Houston. We've been here for about 3 hours now. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, and possibly a few other things that I can't identify at the moment. But that's ok. Amid all of that, I'm peaceful. And I'm doing the right thing. The only thing I'm truly stressed about is trying to get an apartment tomorrow. We've got several places lined up to look at - and if one of them works then I'll be ecstatic. But I'm sure we'll figure something out.
One of the girls I'll be improving with here told me that there is an opening at the front desk of the gym she works at. That makes me super excited for the simple reason that it means that I don't have to start jumping into a frantic job search in a week. :) Woot. Add to that that it's a job I won't mind doing, and I get a free gym membership, etc, it's not a bad deal.
And that brings me to the reason I'm here in the first place. To dance. Going back to school makes me feel... Not scared. I'm not sure what it is. I'm slightly, though not terribly, anxious or worried. I took the right route for me up to now. Dancing professionally. Running my company. Teaching and choreographing. It worries me, however, because I'm coming from a slightly different background than most of my fellow dancers at UH. I've been teaching dance theory at a college, dancing professionally, etc, etc, etc. Switching to the role of a student has some interesting challenges. I simply hope that it won't cause any problems. But I have faith. I'm super excited for the improv group that is starting here. I hope that I get a chance to explore some things with them that I haven't had the opportunity to really dig into in improv yet. My own improv research is at a point that I'm discovering some things that I haven't ever encountered or realized before. I am sure that they will be mature enough as dancers to understand it, I just hope that they are interested in it. But if not, I have learned one thing for certain, if I am interested in a topic of exploration, if I have a vision that I want to follow, and if I take the leap of faith to start heading that way, then there will always be those who catch onto it and follow. It seems that the universe opens doors for those that are willing to walk through them.
Now. It's hot. And I having a swimming pool calling my name!
Moving,
Sean
It only took two days to make it here... the great moments included: Helping my dad fix the tarp, for the 4th time, in the rain and mud. Discovering that my mom is blind while driving. Having the GPS take a route that added an hour instead of the 5 minute route. Having the radiator explode when we stopped to get gas. And looking at Sam Houston's butt (giant statue. It was my sisters idea...)
 |
| Arriving in Houston |
So, It's a new world. At least for me. I'm sitting here, in our hotel, in Houston. We've been here for about 3 hours now. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, and possibly a few other things that I can't identify at the moment. But that's ok. Amid all of that, I'm peaceful. And I'm doing the right thing. The only thing I'm truly stressed about is trying to get an apartment tomorrow. We've got several places lined up to look at - and if one of them works then I'll be ecstatic. But I'm sure we'll figure something out.
One of the girls I'll be improving with here told me that there is an opening at the front desk of the gym she works at. That makes me super excited for the simple reason that it means that I don't have to start jumping into a frantic job search in a week. :) Woot. Add to that that it's a job I won't mind doing, and I get a free gym membership, etc, it's not a bad deal.
And that brings me to the reason I'm here in the first place. To dance. Going back to school makes me feel... Not scared. I'm not sure what it is. I'm slightly, though not terribly, anxious or worried. I took the right route for me up to now. Dancing professionally. Running my company. Teaching and choreographing. It worries me, however, because I'm coming from a slightly different background than most of my fellow dancers at UH. I've been teaching dance theory at a college, dancing professionally, etc, etc, etc. Switching to the role of a student has some interesting challenges. I simply hope that it won't cause any problems. But I have faith. I'm super excited for the improv group that is starting here. I hope that I get a chance to explore some things with them that I haven't had the opportunity to really dig into in improv yet. My own improv research is at a point that I'm discovering some things that I haven't ever encountered or realized before. I am sure that they will be mature enough as dancers to understand it, I just hope that they are interested in it. But if not, I have learned one thing for certain, if I am interested in a topic of exploration, if I have a vision that I want to follow, and if I take the leap of faith to start heading that way, then there will always be those who catch onto it and follow. It seems that the universe opens doors for those that are willing to walk through them.
Now. It's hot. And I having a swimming pool calling my name!
Moving,
Sean
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