I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to route all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to it's lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish it's meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it...
- from Walden, by Henry David Thoreau
These words by Thoreau have meant a lot to me throughout my life. I discovered them when I was far too young to really get the complete meaning from them. And that is ok. As with all things, our understanding of certain concepts is never quite complete. With new experience - our understanding grows.
I believe I was 9. Now I am 24. That has given me some time to think about the words, and what they mean. They have been on my mind again lately - for several different reasons. ... There are many emotions and thoughts that I can "deal with" myself. As if I were a mobster taking care of a problem with an associate. There are some emotional states where a friend - someone with a listening ear, a soft shoulder, a warm embrace; or conversely, someone who will slap me when I say stupid things and yank my head out of the clouds and back to reality - can really help. But sometimes, just every now and again in life, where there is no shortcut. Where you can't just get fixed up. Sometimes, in life, you reach an emotional state, whether easy or hard, that you simply need to accept and pass through. Undergoing the full force of the assault. And simply finding grattitude for the lessons you learn during those times. Because, if you can pass through it with a peaceable spirit, you will learn. You will not emerge the same. You will be a little better. A little more refined. A little more able to appreciate the beauty of life. A little more compassionate. A little more patient. A little more joyfull. And so it is that I realize I am in one of those states right now, with moving. And so I shall pass through it, and be better for it
The second large reason why these words have been on my mind roll down a similar track as the last reason. With everything that has happened, reading these words helps ground me in who I am and look forward. It is my quest in life to "suck the marrow" from life. "To live deep". To "cut a broad swath and shave close". And so I will do those things in this aspect of life as well. Who knows what I might find as I seek out someone who's soul harmonizes with mine. Perhaps she won't be interested, but I can still try to make her laugh once or twice and see. It is better to risk, and try, and find something amazing - then to never try so that you don't get hurt.
Life is good. I am worried about getting a job. But I have faith that I will. I am making sure to take the opportunity to notice the detail and the immensity of what I find around me. And there is much that is beautiful to be thankful for.
My family went with me to the beach before they left, and I'm very grateful they did. It is a perfect memory. Sighting jellyfish. Feeling the warm water. Walking and talking with those that I love. Sitting, in water to my chest, with my brother and father, as the waves and swells broke over our faces and made us laugh as grandpa ocean tried to tip us over. Noting the ships out on the blue-gray deep. I can't wait to go back again.
Move and Move Again,
Sean
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