I am an interesting mix of interests I have discovered. I love the opportunities I receive to experience new things - whether it be taking a class in a subject I know nothing about, eating a new kind of food, or enjoying a cultural performance. I'm also an organizer... My room is currently a mess, and that makes me very unhappy. Every few minutes I mentally go back to the note to myself to clean it because I won't be happy until it is arranged and organized. My journals are organized, not by time frame when they were written, but by the subject matter of which I am writing. Even my "adventures" must fit within a certain schedule within my life (Natalie is the same way, some of our biggest relationship problems occur - I recently realized - when the process by which I quantify my time and energy, and the process by which she does the same thing, yield very different results).
So I go through this process of "Clarify, Quantify, and Qualify - and then compartmentalize." When life gives me an experience that I want to remember as a life lesson, I try to simplify it down to the most concise statement that I can create defining that lesson. I call those statements my "rules." I didn't mean to start coming up with them. In fact, it has only been recently that I realized that I lived my life by a "code" so to speak. The list isn't long, but it has been integral to every major decision I have made in the past few years, and many of the smaller decisions as well. As I am making certain decisions now, dealing with problems, and individuals in my life - as well as changing certain life goals - I keep coming back to several of these rules to help me make certain decisions. I'm not a guru, but here are a couple of my rules:
1). You have a limited amount of time and energy: Discern, Prioritize, Allot, and Eliminate.
This is, by far, the single most important rule, and one of the oldest, I have discovered. It seems to have a lot of new layers every time I go back to it I learn something new. It came about in High School. I discovered that there were a group of girls who would cause any type of drama they could to get my attention. I didn't recognize it as drama at first. I gave in to it to a certain extent. So I realized that by giving in to other peoples drama I waste my own time and energy. So, the rule I learned was my "Zero Tolerance Policy." Real life problems were fine, but drama for the sake of drama was not to be given in to. (This rule seems to make people mad...)
On my mission I discovered another rule. It's simple and shouldn't need much explaining: As a part of human nature, we make time for the people and the things which are important to us, and excuses for everything else.
These both melded together in college. It was then that I began to realize that a lot of what I needed to do (schoolwork for instance) was interrupted by the things which seemed important at the time, or were fun, or easy. I had a realization of something which I had already known in my head, but never had to apply to life, it was this: In life, I have two resources which are very precious, very limited, and easy to squander. Time, and Energy. I was busy. I had things that needed to get done. If I was to do them successfully, then I was going to have to decide what was important, and make sure that I allot my time and energy to those things which were most important before I give it to other things. If I don't then I would never get them done (there is always something else that I could be doing).
With a little bit of time (remember, I wasn't consciously making rules, it was just a set of things that I had experienced and used to guide my other experiences) it started to apply to everything else in my life and has become what it now is.
I have discovered that this applies to almost everything in my life. It has become the measuring stick for my life. Hate, for example, I have discovered just isn't worth the time and energy it takes to maintain it. There are people whom I know who I feel like I might have reasons to feel strong negative emotions for... But why? I don't really need to. I make a mental sticky note reminding myself to be very wary of that person for whatever the reason is, and then move on. I simply don't have the time and energy to waste on something that, quite frankly, is going to do absolutely nothing for me in the long run. It won't move me forward towards any of my goals. It'll just sap my ability to perform in other areas of my life.
So... Discern what you spend your time and energy on now (a journal can be good for this, most people have absolutely no idea what they actually waste their resources on). Prioritize what is really important. Whether it is going to school, learning a new language, making sure that you get to go fishing once a month, or spending quality time with your family. If it isn't a priority, then just let it fall off your list. It's easier to let go of things when you just decide to let them go. Allot your resources (time and energy) on those things. How much do you have of your resources? How much are each of your priorities worth? Spend your resources on those things (yes, some amount of recreation should not make you feel guilty if you have it on your list). And finally Eliminate... Everything that sucks up your resources and distracts you from what is really important. New flash: Farmville is not more important than spending quality time with your kids. If you are spending 10 hours a week on farmville, and 2 hours with your family, then get rid of the distraction. You won't miss it (be it farmville, or too much tv, or even reading, or texting you BFF, etc). This is the hard one, but do it. You'll be happier. Whatever is distracting you from your real priorities, then eliminate it. Period. Don't be gentle. Don't try to balance it - you won't succeed. Just get rid of it.
And then, once you've done it once, do it every single day. It makes life easier... Of course, that's just my point of view. Feel free to disagree.
2). Follow the path of least regret.
This one is fairly simple compared to the last one. It tends to be the piece of advice I give most often to people when asked what I think. If you are going to regret getting a degree in physics when you want one in dance, then get the one in dance. If you are going to regret not breaking up with your boyfriend because you don't want him to feel bad, then break up with him. If you are going to regret not taking a job on the other side of the world then take the job. If you are going to regret that you didn't go back to school to learn to sing then go to school. Even if you are 65. You aren't getting any younger. Don't do what everyone else wants you to do. And don't do what you just think that you are supposed to do (I'm not saying to disregard your values. Do that and you'll regret it which would defeat the whole purpose - but don't give in to the idea that such-and-such is what I am supposed to be).
And I don't use this as an escape route to get out of things I don't want to do. This is the tool I use to say, what do I really want? It turns out that most of the time I actually end up taking larger risks and working harder because of it. I put my heart on the platter and say that it's better to try and fail than to go through my whole life wishing I had tried. It's not always easy (neither is the last rule I put up, and they both require large doses of self honesty - which is something else that our culture seems to lack). This tool is especially helpful when you have to make a decision between two or more things. It is extremely helpful when you have a lot of voices pulling you in different directions and you need something to help you decide what decision to make. Follow the path which YOU will most likely regret the least - and don't look back.
So... those have been my thoughts, or some of them, as winter turns to spring here in Houston. Maybe not terribly wise, but they have been very practical in keeping my life going in the directions that make me the happiest.
Sean
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